No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
