for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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