Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
