I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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