how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
