What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
