if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
