Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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