I think my fart just growled at me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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