so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
