Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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