You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
