so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
