I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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