Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
