Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
