We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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