I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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