My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
