Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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