i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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