Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
