I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize