2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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