Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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