so explain again why im purple
no
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
