Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
