How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
