2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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