I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
