mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
