So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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