you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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