help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.