tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.