Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.