the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
