she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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