Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
