At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
