pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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