you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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