At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
