You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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