i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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