This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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