i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
