i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
