Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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