My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
