I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
