I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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