If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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