"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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