I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
