cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
