Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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