my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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