Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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