My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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