well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
