Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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