you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
