just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
